Monday, December 10, 2007

I Want To Fight Tom Brady

If Tom Brady isn't the biggest punk ass bitch this country has ever seen, then Osama Bin Laden is a U.S. folk hero. Simply put, someone needs to punch this ass-hat in the face.

This is why today I am proposing a challenge to Tom Brady himself. Come this off-season I challenge Brady to the roughest, toughest, and most heart-pounding heavyweight boxing match this world will ever see.

I win, America wins.

He wins, The Patriots win again...but don't worry America, I won't lose.

As the world can see, Tom Brady has a definite height and weight advantage going in. I believe with consistent training and a high protein diet like the Medifast plan I can add another 20-25 pounds to my 6'2'' frame. Come weigh in time, the only thing separating us will be the god-given height and reach. I'll plan on countering this disadvantage with additional speed and agility, something Brady seems to underestimate with his stellar offensive line, which only Jesus himself could part.

Watching the Mayweather-Hatton fight this past weekend may have put me in a fighting mood... I mean this isn't my normal cup of tea. I love watching boxing, but don't worry Brady-boo, you won't be facing one of the pound-for-pound best fighters in the world here. I've never even strapped on boxing gloves....even though I did strap on some Sock-Em Boppers once.

Speaking of Mayweather-Hatton fight, I wouldn't mind having the Ricky Hatton band in my corner. For those who watched the HBO PPV bout, the chanting often common to soccer matches, was bad ass. To the tune of Winter Wonderland his band sang ...

There's only one Ricky Hatton,
There's only one Ricky Hatton,
Walking along, Singing a song,
Walking in a Hatton wonderland.

Mayweather was scared shitless. Hell, I would have been too. That's why I want those Brits in my corner.

So what's stopping you Tom? I'm here, I'm waiting, I want to knock your clown ass to the canvas.

Vegas is ready...are you?

Hey maybe if you're lucky the Brits will support you.

There's only one Tom Brady,
There's only one Tom Brady,
Walking along, touching a Dong,
Walking in a gay man's wonderland.


Anonymous said...

GREG JONES!!! Yo, I'll train you, and you can light that DEMON up like FIRE on FLESH!!! RARARARARARGH!!!

Anonymous said...

jesus christ this was stupid

Also thanks for the tidbit about soccer you fucking moron, im sure no one is aware that soccer fans sing retarded songs during matches.

Anonymous said...

Are you going to flog him repeatedly with your banana-sized clit? Because I'd consider taking you with the points if that's your strategy. That fucking thing is lethal.

Anonymous said...

I have to agree that was stupid, but smart in using the greatness of Tom Brady to get people to come to your blog. If you did not mention Brady at all in your blog, you would've had negative hits for the day.

Oh and Brady would have Bellicheat in his corner so you would get your ass kicked!!

Anonymous said...

America doesn't hate Tom Brady... just you and a small percentage of jealous low lifes. Tom Brady is the greatest quaterback ever.. you sir are a piece of shit with a internet access

tbterrier said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

you sir, are gay... i think u just want to be near him and touch him. but then again, who doesnt?

Anonymous said...

Wow this is lame. this is something I would have wriiten when I was 7. No, actually wait a minute...Even if I was 7, I would still think this was retarded.

Dave H said...

Count me as another piece of shit with internet access.

Kick his ass, Sea Bass!

Anonymous said...

The Patriots cheat!! Bwahahaha. I'm glad you made a fucking blog header about it. Did they cheat last week when they blew your Steelers out of the water? Why don't you entitle your next article "My team is vastly inferior to the Pats" and talk about how *insert team name here* would lose to them?

Christopher said...

Tom Brady is America. The Patriots are America. The rest of the NFL is pretty much Europe.

Its a perfect analogy. It will surely suck for you when you realize that your Steelers and their fans have been France the whole year.

Anthony Smith said...

I guarantee you could beat up Tom Brady.

Anonymous said...

Fight TFB and you'll end up just like Ricky Hatton. On your back!


I Want To Fight Tom Brady said...

Anonymous? You wanna fight? I'll have one of the other DoubtAboutIt writers fight your in the opening bout.

Not Whitey Bulger said...

If I lived within pissing distance of Pittsburg I'd be permenantly depressed as well, my friend. The Anus of American, no?

Anonymous said...

Please fight Tom Brady. What a smug prick he is. Just like Patriots fans. I hope Gillette Stadium is on Osama's list.

Jordan said...

Mayweather was scared shitless? Yeah, I guess if he wasn't scared, he would have knocked Hatton out in the 8th round instead of the 10th. And I'm sure Brady, or any quarterback in the NFL would be scared to fight a lanky 180 pounder after dealing with 300 pound linemen every week. This is what I get for clicking on every link Deadspin gives me.

Cotter said...

Wow, so I guess Pats fans only post aggressive comments anonymously.

You know how to neutralize a Pats fan? Talk football to them. You'll lose them after the words Snap Count.

tecmo_bowl_bo_jackson said...

I'm anonymous. I'm 6 foot 5 and 200 pounds. You'll have to take my word that I'm a Patriots fan. I like to talk shit. Mumble grumble. My dick is huge. I have to go finish my pre-algebra homework.

This is fun.

IvanGrozni said...

I root for America, and because of that I root for you. Not that i dislike the Patriots, i just dislike the people that are rooting for them after reading the comments.

Bill BeliGREATNESS said...

hey cotter

wheres your team this year, or the past what 8 years. Get a life, i laugh at insignificant little shits like you that are just mad because your football knowledge is minuscule and jealousy clouds your vision of an otherwise great football team.

go back to watching chess, I'm sure its a "sport" your nerdy ass would enjoy. Also, who says "neutralize" in a joke, your lingo isn't funny outside a 6th grade science class fuck face.

PS. this article is dumb and yea, u are another jealous moron who's just pissed your team got whipped.

Neutralize this.

Christopher said...

Hey Snap Count Cotter, let talk some football. Or was that just a general, applies-to-noone insult. Have you ever actually talked to a Pats fan and found out that they can't use football colloquialisms? When and where? This sounds like the same bullshit generalities I read all over the place about the Patriots and their fans. At least be original; you sound like Bill Simmons for fuck sake. And no one likes a Bill Simmons copy.

Anonymous said...

Gay just doesn't seem to fit here. SuperGay seems more fitting.

Pat said...

Wow, I leave the blog for 24 hours and all hell breaks loose. Just a reminder to everyone - this is the website that made a game where Ben Roethlisberger rode a motorcycle through space. Take a joke, anyone?

Pat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tecmo_bowl_bo_jackson said...

To the anonymous "Patriots fan(s)," can I ask one question? Can you please justify Belichick's cheating and Rodney Harrison's steroids suspension? You wonder why people hate the Patriots and discredit their current "undefeated season." If you can justify any of that, I'd be more than happy to quit ragging on New England. I mean, as a Steelers fan, I'd be the first person to call out my own players if they got busted for 'roids or if the team knowingly cheated. Why are Patriots fans so slow to do the same?

Korn & Co said...

Brady eats the ass, like every salad tossing New England bitch. His season ends this weekend, the knees go late in the 3rd quarter up 35 on a flea flicker.

Christopher said...

I don't think one has to "justify" anything. Despite the fact that the starting safety missed 4 games for using HGH (not 'roids, dipshit), they are still undefeated. Despite the fact that the Patriots received the harshest team and coach penalty ever for a practice that, by all accounts, was rampant and illegal only in semantics, they are still undefeated. They don't have to justify it, they received punishment and overcame that punishment. No one has to "call out" (whatever that means) a player as a cheater, because he has been "outed".

How hard is this to understand?

tecmo_bowl_bo_jackson said...

Ooooh, HGH isn't roids. Let's nitpick between banned sunstances.

And throughout the history of organized sport, teams caught cheating generally have to forfeit games.

The Patriots didn't get off light? With all the evidence destroyed immediately before anyone could get a look?

Sounds more like an excuse rather than an explanation, dipshit. See, I can insult, too.

Would you be so smug if you found the Jets were taping you, then won?

Turd burgular.

tecmo_bowl_bo_jackson said...


damn bs and ns are too close

Sam said...

Chris, how do you know it was rampant? And even if it is, does that somehow alleviate their guilt?

And from the NFL rulebook:

"No video recording devices of any kind are permitted to be in use in the coaches' booth, on the field, or in the locker room during the game." They also say all video for coaching purposes must be shot from locations "enclosed on all sides with a roof overhead."ESPN

How is that hard to interpret? I've never seen an entire fanbase so quick to defend something so indefensible.

I Want To Fight Tom Brady said...

Do Patriots fans also support Barry Bonds?

Cotter said...

Bill Simmons copy? Fuck face? Uh oh, struck a nerve. Come on now guys, have a sense of humor.

I'm not jealous because we got beat. I don't really care. The Steelers beating the Patriots wasn't going to change the fact that they're the #1 seed.

Oh and Bill Beligreatness - pretty sure the Steelers won Super Bowl XL...and were in the AFC Championship Game in 2004...not to mention playoffs in 2001 and 2002...that's where we've been.

Christopher said...

I guess you can't read readin. I was not defending the rules violation. I pointed out that they were punished, severely, so it should no longer be an issue. If they weren't, you'd have something to cry about.

Please someone tell me about that other time in major pro sports where a game was forfeited due to a rules violation?

Never happened. Not even for cheating. So, punishment received, still undefeated.

Dave Wannstache said...

Wait, so because you were punished it's no longer an issue?

That's absolute bullshit. I'll tell you what smells fishy. The fact that you got punished and then the NFL burned all the evidence. It's quite clear the NFL wanted to hide something. And sure, the NFL and the Patriots want the issue to go away. But it hasn't and guess what, it's never going to go away. Whenever someone brings up the Patriots titles we can always bring up SpyGate. It tarnished everything, and those are the facts.

And by the way, what's with CBS partnering with the Patriots fat fuck owner in constructing a restaurant at "Patriot Place." THE PRESIDENT OF CBS WAS SITTING IN KRAFT'S LUXURY BOX! Can you say conflict of interest? No wonder Nantz and Simms can't take Brady or Belichick's cock out of their mouth. CBS should be revoked of their NFL television rights.

tecmo_bowl_bo_jackson said...

Hmmm...rules violations leading to forfeits?

Olympic athletes and Tour de France athletes are regularly stripped of championships due to doping...something your boy Harrison did. Roids are a clear violation of set rules.

Michigan mens basketball had to take down their final 4 banner from the fab 5 era because of rules violations.

Oklahoma mens football (I think...I'm too lazy to check if it was someone else) had to forfeit an entire season's worth of wins for recruting rules violations in the past 5 years.

Black Sox...point shaving...are you saying you've never heard of some athlete/team having to forfeit due to rule violations?

Oh...and I just checked. Oklahoma men's football. Players broke set rules, and the team/coaches broke set rules for not correctly policing the players. An entire season forfeited.

Christopher said...

"Olympic athletes and Tour de France athletes are regularly stripped of championships due to doping...something your boy Harrison did. Roids are a clear violation of set rules.

Michigan mens basketball had to take down their final 4 banner from the fab 5 era because of rules violations.

Oklahoma mens football (I think...I'm too lazy to check if it was someone else) had to forfeit an entire season's worth of wins for recruting rules violations in the past 5 years.

Black Sox...point shaving...are you saying you've never heard of some athlete/team having to forfeit due to rule violations?

Oh...and I just checked. Oklahoma men's football. Players broke set rules, and the team/coaches broke set rules for not correctly policing the players. An entire season forfeited."

Which one of those was pro sports? Only the Black Sox? And they willingly forfeited games, which is why you refer to them as the Black sox?

Thank you, good sir, for proving ,y point. No pro teams have forfeited games.

Belichick is God said...

Tom Brady has had bowel movements that could take you in a fight, you whiny bitch.

go on, admit it said...

I have never seen a more blatant case of man crush denial. It is so bad that he has to try and show his manliness to the world. His crush is so bad that not only does he have to pronounce a dislike of Brady, but he also has to try and prove his manliness by challenging him to a fight (knowing full well it will NEVER happen).

So wither this guy is screaming to come out of the closet, or is just too stupid for words.

Love him or hate him, Tom Brady is going to be remembered as the best QB to have ever played the game.

Anonymous said...

What an asshole the blogger is. I'm sure that getting in a fight would make you more of a man. What a fucking moron.

andrew said...

I will fight you for Tom Brady, seriously then you will have the height and reach advantage i'm only 5'10" lets find out how tough you are you bitch.

aaron said...

Dave Wannstache,

I'm with you, the NFL covered everything up when they burned the tapes! They also burned the JFK tapes and the cure for cancer (the medical companies need to profit off of cancer deaths, right??? It's another conflict of interest!!!).

The NFL didn't act alone though! They had help from The Free Masons and The Carlyle Group and TuPac Shakur!

Conspiracies are everywhere my friend! I'm so glad that two rational guys like us know whats going on in this world!

Gotta go Dave, I need more tinfoil to line my coonskin cap with! In the meantime, let's make sure that someone kicks Tom Brady's ass for throwing touchdown passes and banging supermodels; the guy is TOTALLY gay!!!

If the linebackers of the NFL have to much "sense" to hold back from delivering a season-ending injury than we must take matters into our own hands! I commend the authors of this cite for the courageousness and chivalry!

Anonymous said...

I used to have respect for the Steelers, and their fans, but listening to the constant whining, and moaning is getting old, every time The steelers or their fans open their mouths,, they get smacked by the Pats, Face it, its not your time.
You guys are barely in the top 5,
deal with it!!

I Want To Fight Tom Brady said...

Go On, Admit it,

If I had a man crush, you know what I would do...I would set up a camera in Tom Brady's house, and watch him undress at night. At least that's what the Patriots taught me to do...

Anonymous said...


Sam said...


Glad you see it our way! It is preposterous that the NFL is not only looking out for its monetary interest but also the integrity of the game, two things that I believe the league values above all else.

What benefit did the league have by destroying those tapes? Were they afraid Belichick was going to send some aides to re-capture them so the Patriots could study year old defensive signals?

I doubt the teams who were taped had any say in this whatsoever. Honestly, given the choice between the Patriots being exposed while having to come up with new defensive signals and destroying the tapes so their signals could not be discovered by others I think most teams would choose the former.

There's only two reasons those tapes needed to be destroyed: 1.) You believe the league and say it was to protect the teams who were taped, so their secrets don't get out. This implies that there was enough of an advantage gained by simply watching these tapes that the league thought it was too risky to lock them in a safe somewhere. Which means the Pats gained a huge illegal competitive advantage.

2.) The tapes showed footage from playoff games and/or Super Bowls, tarnishing an entire championship(s). The league knew the firestorm they would get from destroying the tapes would be nothing near to what would happen if this came to light.

It's not conspiracy, its common sense. I would have done the same thing if I was in Goodell's position.

What it comes down to is they had to destroy the tapes. That action alone deems the content was substantially crippling, in one way or another, that the Patriots image for this decade will always carry a stain.

Jagoff said...

When the Patsies come back down to Earth all of these 'fans' will resume their normal lives and forget their allegiances immediately.

Just have to weather the storm for now.

Aaron said...

You're right Sam! And I'm totally with you here, I might have misspoke when I said "conspiracy" before. That word makes the idea sound crazy or something! No I mean that a large group of identifiable men secretly worked together to do something dastardly without any accountability, and even though you or I have no "proof" that this went down we KNOW that it did! Why? Because we just DO! So yeah, some dorks out there might call our philosophies "theories" but we know that belief is just as good as evidence!

Besides, why would the NFL destroy the tapes if there was nothing bad on them??? They should have shown those to everybody in the world! Especially regular guys like us!friendships?!?

It's too bad we never got to see those tapes too because I'll bet you we would have found all sorts of reasons on there why the Patsies beat us so many times so badly. I REFUSE to believe that it was our poor gameplay!!! I mean Tom Brady is not a good quarterback! Nobody on the Patriots is any good! All they've done is cheat their way to 3 super bowls!!!

I need to go calm down Sam, I don't want to over-exert myself before my Civil War re-enactment this afternoon. THIS TIME THE SOUTH WILL WIN!!!


Aaron you're my HERO!

You're totally cool posting long sarcastic comments that took way too long to write on a Pittsburgh blog because you KNOW you can convince everybody that reads them that the Patriots didn't do anything wrong!! Remember, points don't matter, just talking in sarcastic tones can prove that anything Sam says is wrong! This is so easy! I'm having so much fun!

By you being an upstanding commentator, I'm sure no one will think that all Patriot fans are cynical assholes! Good job Aaron!

SycoPhant said...

I guarantee that everyone in this post who was defending Shady Brady is a Pats fan because he is HATED everywhere else! $50 on the guy who's not a faggot!

pittsfags said...

scumbag steeler fans are the most ignorant fans on the planet....coming to a queer site to argue with them is pointless

TR Fisherr said...

Why did you quit blogging? This was a pretty fun blog.

Slater novick said...
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