Thursday, October 4, 2007

The NFL Weekend Post

Another week, another round of bad picks from the 'stache. Well, from pretty much everybody, but the 5-9 record put up by Wannstache has him at a 9-18 record from the last two weeks. Those are Pirates-esq numbers, my friend, yet you still seem confident in your abilities. I smell a double standard. Thanks to TAS of the Sport's Fountainhead again for giving us picks last week, and for making me feel better by also going 6-8.

Remember, my computer crashed which means I had to use paint to make the table for this week. It may be tough to read, but it was the best I could do.

Just kidding, thankfully the computer labs had photoshop:

The 'Stache Says:

Last year, it took me until about midseason to realize that it’s best to go heavy on the underdogs. This year, it took me until week 5. So if you wonder why I’m taking a lot of the underdogs this week, that’s why. On to the picks.

Home team in caps

Seattle (+6) over PITTSBURGH

Let me just say that I think the Steelers are going to win the game, but I think it will be by a score of something like 21-17 or 31-28. This is going to be the toughest test thus far. Hasselbeck is the type of quick, 3-step drop quarterback that usually gives us fits. He gets the ball out in a hurry, so it’s going to be tough to get pressure on him. The Steelers O-line needs to perform better than last weeks disaster, and it won’t be easy, because the Seahawks front seven is pretty damn good.

Carolina (+3) over NEW ORLEANS

What do you know, another inconsistent performance by the Panthers last week. Let’s do a recap here for the Panthers. Week 1 (win), Week 2 (loss), Week 3(win), Week 4 (loss). That means they win this week. Even with David Carr, I think Steve Smith torches the Saints sorry secondary.

KANSAS CITY (+2.5) over Jacksonville

The Chiefs are a much different team at home. And suddenly, they have an outside threat at wide receiver in rookie Dwayne Bowe to complement Tony Gonzalez. Couple that with a defense that is playing tough, and maybe they are better than what I thought. The Jaguars are rested, but much like Carolina they’re inconsistent, and they may take the Chiefs lightly.

Detroit (+3.5) over WASHINGTON

How many people would have thought Lions-Redskins would be one of the top games in week 5? Calvin Johnson is expected back for the Lions, which is huge. On the other hand, the Lions secondary can expect to be challenged by Moss, Randle El, and Cooley. I figure this is going to be a close game, and when you think it’s going to be a close game, always take the points.

Atlanta (+8.5) over TENNESSEE

Joey Harrington is showing signs of life, ladies and gentlemen. Tennessee looks like a pretty good football team, but I’m not ready to lay 8 ½ points on them. That’s really all I have to say about this game. I pity those who will be subjected to it.

Miami (+5.5) over HOUSTON

Houston is coming back down to earth. Every now and then, I get these “hunch” games. I hate the Dolphins. But I have this weird feeling that not only do they cover, they win the game.

NEW ENGLAND (-16) over Cleveland

I’m not even considering going against the Patriots until they fail to cover a spread. I hate them with all my might, but this is a damn good football team. Watching the Monday Night game, it was amazing to see the pass protection Brady got. It made you realize just how much pressure Ben faces each week compared to Brady. Anyways, you know the drill for this game. Brady lobs it to Moss in the endzone, Moss out jumps Leigh Bodden for the ball. Repeat as many times necessary.

ST. LOUIS (+3.5) over Arizona

I lied. I’m picking the Rams again. I know I promised to never pick them once more if they failed me again. I can’t resist the home underdog. I don’t know what my fascination with the Rams is, and why I keep picking them. Maybe it’s an addiction. I imagine this is how crackheads feel. Anyways, I think Arizona is feeling a little too high and mighty after their win last week. This is the ultimate let down game.

New York Jets (+3.5) over NEW YORK GIANTS

The Giants had 12 sacks last week, 6 coming from defensive end Osi Umenyiora. I think the Jets will take note of that and maybe max-protect. Another one of those “when in doubt, take the points” kind of games.

Tampa Bay (+10) over INDIANAPOLIS

The Colts could be without Harrison, Addai, and Bob Sanders, which would be a huge blow. I know it’s never smart to bet against Peyton when he’s at the RCA dome, but this Tampa Bay defense is playing lights out. Garcia and company keep it close.

San Diego (+1) over DENVER

Desperation time for the Chargers. I can’t believe they were chanting for Marty Schittenheimer last week. If that isn’t a sign as to how much Norv Turner sucks, I don’t know what is. This is it for San Diego. They need a win here. I expect them to come out playing inspired ball and take it to theBroncos.

Baltimore (-3) over SAN FRANCISCO

A little back-story from last week. I was all set to do my Raiders-Colts-Patriots teaser, and I was about to call Pat to place the bet on an online account he just set up for us. Then I realized since the Patriots were playing Monday Night, I wouldn’t really have any finality to my bets until the next today. This was unacceptable to me, so I modified my bet to a Raiders-Colts-49ers teaser. Then Alex Smith got hurt, Trent Dilfer came in, and I cursed the gambling Gods. Lucky for me, I also put money on a Raiders-Patriots parlay, so I broke even. Because of what happened last week, this means fuck you San Francisco, I’m not picking you this week.

GREEN BAY (-3.5) over Chicago

Green Bay has no running game, but it’s tough to run on the Bears anyways. So the best option is to go to the air, where the Packers excel and where the Bears are hurting. Man, I can’t wait for the Favre slurpfest from Madden.

BUFFALO (+10) over Dallas

If I had any balls, I would place a little money on the Bills money line. I really think they have a shot to win this game. I know the Bills have a ton of injuries, but here’s why. It’s Monday Night in Buffalo, where they haven’t had a home Monday Night game in what feels like ages. Those fans will be fired up. The Cowboys most likely will be missing their top two corners: Terence Newman and Anthony Henry. And here’s the main reason: The Cowboys opponent next week? The Patriots. You think maybe they’re looking ahead just a bit to that matchup? I love the Bills this week.

Seahawks vs Steelers: Just Chillin' Competition
Each week I'll find a picture of a player from each team doing a non-Football related activity. The one enjoying himself and looking good while doing it will win, and I will use them as my pick for the game.

This Week: Quarterback

Matt Hasselbeck


Ben Roethlisberger

I know I should have probably saved this for stiffer competition, like Brady Quinn, but I was lazy and didn't feel like finding a picture of Ryan Plackemeier and Dan Sepulveda. I've never liked Hasselbeck, even before the Super Bowl. How can you look at that photo and think "this is who I want quarterbacking my team". Plus, he may have asked the easiest question in Jeopardy history. I always hate when they ask a question and most of the words don't even matter. He could've just said "Fighting Irish" and Anthony Morrelli would have figured it out. Thanks for cheapening the greatest game show in history, ass. The Ben picture is self-explanatory.

Winner: Steelers

5 Things to Dislike/Know About the Seahawks:

1.) Shaun Alexander. When he broke his foot last year he claimed that God miraculously healed his fracture. Is there anything more egotistical than thinking that your broken foot is a bigger concern than other ailments in the world?

2.) Elisabeth Hasselbeck. If you search "Hasselbeck" on google Elisabeth's wiki entry comes up first, which is about as emasculating as it gets for an NFL QB. How does this happen? Perusing the site I found that she was on Survivor: Australian Outback. I had no clue, even though I definitely watched that season. Is there anyone who has gone on a non-American Idol reality show and turned it into a more successful career? I didn't even know she was on The View, though, until her lover's spat with Rosie. So to recap, she used a pointless reality show to marry an NFL QB and make millions of dollars being annoying on morning TV. Survivor Amber is jealous.

3.) Seneca Wallace and Matt Hasselbeck are still healthy. I don't wish physical harm to either of these human beings, but sitting at third string is Charlie Frye, and if he made it on the field I would begin to believe that we are fated to win the Super Bowl. I won't stoop to Alexander's level and pray for this to happen, but if God deems it necessary so be it.

4.) This isn't Seattle's fault, but I'm going to blame it on them anyway: the announcers calling Santonio Holmes "San Antonio". It's beginning to get ridiculous.

5.) The city of Seattle. I think most people are over it, but you know Fox will bring up the officiating of the Super Bowl, and then the Seahwaks fans will say "that was Fox, not us, we're over it" but if they hadn't complained so much at the beginning this wouldn't be an issue. The legacy of that Super Bowl is not a Steelers win and bad officiating, it has officially become a Steelers' win and whiny Seattle fans.

Poll Update

A big thanks to Blog 'N Gold for linking to our poll and giving an impassioned plea for some Penguins' supporters to stop hating on the Steelers. Quality points are made, and I couldn't agree more. It's not like the Pens get the shaft on FSN every night. Who watches the Steelers-biased 11 o'clock news for 10 minutes of sports anyway, when you can go to the Pittsburgh blogosphere to get coverage? And lest we forget, by my estimation the most popular single sport Pittsburgh sports blog is the PensBlog, the staff of which approaches every facet of the Penguins and hockey with an enthusiasm that I’ve never seen in any human being, except for maybe small children. The chip on the collective shoulder mentality reminds me of a team like the Patriots using Cameragate to act like the world is against them; trust me, we love the Penguins too.

The poll is just below this post. It closes at 4 PM today.

End of Post


Pat said...

Oh my sweet lord you dropped the "enthusiasm of small children line". Quite possibly the nicest thing Tom Barasso ever said about anyone.

Anonymous said...

One thing, though. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is married to Tim Hasselbeck, not Matt. Otherwise known as the less-talented brother, but with the hotter wife. Who still makes more than he does, especially since he's unemployed at the moment.