If there was an All-Pro fantasy football team, I’d be on it. Following last night’s fantasy football draft, however, they would elect me into the Hall of Fame. Today I bring you the top five reasons why my fantasy football team is better than yours.
5) My team is named “Vick’s Jail Dogs”, in honor of my fantasy QB from last season, Michael Vick. What could be better? Well…If I drafted him for one. I’d be the 0.0001% to own Michael Vick in all fantasy leagues. Instead I took Tarvaris Jackson....balllin!!!!! My fantasy book actually said he was the closest clone of Michael Vick, but then again my fantasy book opens its description of Michael Vick’s with….. “The ‘Ron Mexico’ herpes case.”
If I had it to do over, taking Vick would have been worth the laughs. He could of been my team's mascot........hmmm ......a herpes-infected dog-fighting ex-NFL QB, or Steely McBeam? I know who I would choose.
4) I also unveiled jerseys for my new team, “Vick’s Jail Dogs”. Drawn on the back was a large, bloody number seven. On the front, a bunch of bloody dogs including one dog awaiting his death via hanging. (All pictures were drawn by hand, no actual photographs)
3) I drafted Randy Moss. Moss ranks second to Rick James as one of the badest mutha fucka’s of all time. I mean the man once ran over a cop with his car.
2) I made it rain with last year’s Superbowl winnings….......ok so I didn’t win the Superbowl, but when I do I will make it rain!
1) I drafted Santonio Holmes, Ted Ginn Jr, and Anthony Gonzalez to round out my WR’s. After each Ohio State selection I proceeded to stand up and say “High fives all around!!……I select (Players name)”. By the time I drafted my third Buckeye, I received no high fives and people started to look at me like I was drunk. My lesson for all...you might as well have fun with life….
Here is my entire team for everyone’s viewing pleasure.
The Starting WR’s for your 2005 Ohio State Buckeyes
p.s. Don't try to draft your school's alumni if you went to one of the following schools:
- Carnegie Mellon
- Clown College