Thursday, July 5, 2007

Comedy Central Report, 7/5

Borrowing from the media’s name for the National League Central, the Comedy Central Report is a daily feature which recaps all the previous day’s games in which a central team played. Keep track of all six teams vying for the most mediocre division title in baseball.

Pirates defeat Brews, 5-3

Recap: Laroche and Doumit each hit homeruns off of Claudio Vargas, while Ian Snell fought through a tough first inning to go 8 innings for the win. Jason Bay sat for the second time in 5 games.

All You Need to Know: With the win the Pirates have set themselves up to try to take 3 of 4 from the Brewers today. The Brewers have looked like they've been hung over from partying on the South Side a bit too much, so this may be our chance. Today's game is about as important as you can get for a team so far under .500. The next series is against the second place Cubs, which leads into the All-Break. If they can win today and take 2 out of 3 from the Cubs the Pirates can at least claim a little bit of momentum from a disappointing first half.

Nationals Smash Cubs 6-0

Recap: The Nationals' great hope, Dmitri Young, hit a grand slam and their pitching staff, owners of the fourth worst ERA in the NL, held the Cubs scoreless.

All You Need to Know: Finally a game to bring the Cubs and their fans back to Earth. It was amazing how the little run they had been on had reinvigorated their fan base. Not that they don't have reason to have hope in this crummy division, and I'm absolutely sure you'll start to hear some talk from the occasional Pirates' fan if we win today and sweep the Cubs, but it is always nice when the fans of ESPN's favorite teams (Yankees, Red Sox, Cubs) don't have much to talk about.

Cards slip past D'backs, 5-4

Recap: Scott Rolen contributes a crucial hit and a crucial defensive play to leads the Cards to victory. Much to my chagrin, the Cardinals have appeared to have righted their ship.
Cardinals Stat of the Day: 70. The number of double plays the Cards have hit in to, which is tied for second in the league with 3 other teams. One of those other teams? The Pirates, of course.

Phillies overhlem Astros, 8-3

Recap: Even wonderkid Hunter Pence was baffled by Cole Hamels as the Phillies sent the Astros back to 5th place.

All You Need to Know: I was at a bar on the eve of the fourth and the Phillies-Astros game was on. When the ump blew the call in the 9th inning to keep the Astros alive, about half the bar went nuts. When Hunter Pence hit the game winning homer, there was a palpable sense of loss in the room. When you live in State College where Philly transplants spew jealously and hatred to all things Pittsburgh, I will say again, there really is no greater joy than watching a Philly team lose.
Reds Fall to Giants, 9-5

Recap: Bonds took the day off but his replacement, Fred Lewis, hit a grand slam to help Matt Cain get the W.

All You Need to Know: I have nothing on the Reds or Giants, so I'm going to rail against something I've never understood. Why does the Central have 6 teams while the AL West only have 4? I understand that the Brewers moved over here due to travel reasons. A somewhat valid concern. But how can competition be considered fair when the Bucs are competing with 5 other teams while the AL West teams only have to worry about 3?? Right now, if Milwaukee was not in our division the Pirates would only be 6 games back, about the same amount of games back that has everyone talking about a Cubs' revival. Plus it would save me about 5-10 minutes each day because I wouldn't have to find something to say about an additional team. My suggestion? Put the Dodgers, Giants, and Padres in the AL West, move Texas and Houston to the NL West. Screw tradition, let another division deal with 6 teams for awhile.

Your Comedy Central Standings on July 5th, 2007:

End of Post

1 comment:

SeanCollier said...

Couldn't agree more about the sheer joy of watching Philly downfall, especially in State College. If I have to hear that Eagles chant one more time (and something tells me that, with one year until graduation, I just might,) I may have to appear on Saturday Night Live and rip a picture of Cole Hamels in half.