Saturday, June 30, 2007

A Walkout is Smart, But I Have Better Ideas

Saturday, June 30th is a day that could go down in Pirate history with the Stargell's and the Clemente's. A scheduled walk-out following the third inning will mark one of the first true outcries from Pirate faithful who have finally grown tired of the "lets strive for mediocrity", but still come up short, kind of baseball.

Unfortunately I don't believe a walkout will be enough. In the end the Nuttings will still be stuffing their treasure chest with OUR gold coinage. Instead I have come up with a few other ideas that could keep people out of PNC Park. When all is said and done, my goal would be for one baseball game to be played without a single fan in the stands.

So how could we, the fans, accomplish this?

First....we must BLOW UP the Clemente Bridge!!!!

Try raising the Jolly Roger now, bitches.

Many of you may ask, well how would we manage getting an Apache helicopter or the explosives to blow up the Clemente Bridge?

MY plan...just tell George "Bomb em" Bush that there is Al-qaeda hiding in dat der bridge n'at.

Thanks George, you're now only second to George Steinbrenner
in my book.

I feel as though almost one-third of the Pirates fans arrive to PNC park via the Clemente Bridge. Now instead of selling out Bob Walk bobblehead night we are looking at about 24,000 in attendance! We've made more progress in one-day than the Pirates have in 10 years...can you feel the excitement?

Ok with Bombs over Pittsburgh still fresh in our mind, we need to keep up with our tactical attacks on the Nutting's profiting business. Remember George, Robert Nutting is the equivalent to Osama Bin Laden.

Next UP: Sinking The Clipper Fleet...

I still don't understand why people park in Station Square, but for some reason, game after game, I see people flooding off those boats onto the North Shore like its Ellis Island.

Can I remind everyone that watching the Pirates is what I'd like to call: INCARCERATION
If you enjoy taking a boat ride into a prison, go out to San Francisco and see Alcatraz.

Why doesn't the clipper fleet look like this? Black...and gold...

Ok, so we've inflicted enough damage on our own city. It was completely necessary.

Attendance is looking very Marlin-like right now, only a healthy 12,000-14,000 can physically make it to the Pirate games at this point.

And they won the World Series in 1997 and 2003!!!

My last ploy is as genius as it gets. As many of us know, "Baseball is a family game." and "Foul language and abusive behavior will not be tolerated".

I admit, I've been to a few too many Pirate games but my last idea will surely keep any family from ever attending a game at "Beautiful" PNC Park.

Ok... so we deface every statue outside of PNC Park and replace it with a replica of the forever-famous Jeff Reed....

"The Great One" ...Bob Walk would love it, no one would ever go to a Pirate game ever again, and the Nutting's would finally be forced to sell the team.

End of Post

No comments: