Borrowing from the media’s name for the National League Central, the Comedy Central Report is a daily feature which recaps all the previous day’s games in which a central team played. Keep track of all six teams vying for the most mediocre division title in baseball.
Pirates Escape Whitesox, 8-7
Recap: Nate McClouth chips in 4 RBI as the Buccos staked a 3-0 lead, only to lose it, come back, and then almost lose it again. So a typical Pirates game, minus the loss. Jason Bay made the game-saving catch in the 9th inning, robbing Jim Thome of a probable game winning 3-run shot. Kuddos to the fans for not interfering.
All You Need to Know: Matt Capps had his second consecutive somewhat shaky outing. Much of this was excused on Castillo’s error, but the almost homerun was not a good sign. Maybe he’s distracted by the fact the league offices have taken an extra weak to decide whether to suspend him or not. Positive note: Jack Wilson is growing a goatee. Ever since he got rid of all his hair I was waiting for this. The addition of the goatee is the final transformation from young celebrity stud to chiseled veteran.
Twins eat the racing sausages, beat Brewers 10-9
Recap: The Brewers came back from a 9-2 deficit to tie the game up in the 9th, only to lose in it in the bottom of the 9th with a walk-off homerun from Justin Morneau.
All You Need to Know: Prince Fielder hit an inside the park homerun when Lew Ford lost his fly ball to the backdrop of the Metrodome roof. The only crazier statistic than Prince Fielder having an inside the park homerun? Daryle Ward has 5 triples in his career.
Cardinals Defeat Athletics, 10-6
Recap: Cardinals come back from 5-1 deficit with a 4 run 7th inning. Boring.
All You Need to Know: I have this thing against the Cardinals. It’s mostly jealousy for how well they have done in the past/amount of diehard fans, but also for how they traditionally beat up on the Bucs, not only in the games but before them as well. Admittedly, the “rivalry” has died down, but I still don’t like them. Now I know what a Browns fan feels like. So for every Cardinals game I’ll show a stat about why the Cardinals suck this year. Today’s Stat: Division worst and 3rd worst in all of baseball 5.15 ERA.
Padres Swat Annoying Fly That is the Cubs, 11-3
Recap: Greg Maddux does his thing and the Padres hit 5 homeruns to demolish the always in turmoil Cubs. Mike Cameron had 2 shots and the Cubs hopes remained pinned to the resurrection of Mark Prior and Kerry Wood.
All You Need to Know: Pretty much all the Cubs still hate each other, although they are 9-7 since Zambrano decided his catcher could call games better with a black eye.
Astros Sweep Mariners, win 10-3
Recap: Mike Lamb hit a grandslam and Roy Oswalt pulled a Zach Duke, allowing 12 hits, but only 3 runs.
All You Need to Know: Still too early for the Astros to make their surge, plus they don’t have life-partners Andy Pettite and Roger Clemens to help them out. This is another team I enjoy the Pirates beating now that they have lowered to our level of playing.
Rangers Conquer Reds 11-4 in epic battle of two quality teams
Recap: Marlon Byrd hit his first homerun in more than a year and added 2 more RBI, helping Texas move within one game of the Reds and 2nd to last place in baseball.
All You Need to Know: Arroyo has returned to his old Pirates’ days form, now at 2-8 with a 5.24 era.
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